Seeking myself ...on all levels

As I write today , it is not the EGO I seek BUT the "true me"...without blemish or rust . To polish the heart and look for the SELF who was born in that infant body .. this is my journey now. Have just read the book, "Untethered soul" by Michael Singer and I do believe that if I observe daily events and keep my focus on what is REAL ... this will help me to be contented from inside. LET GO and LET GOD has been my mantra for years now... BUT my success has been marred by my own emotions . Now my inner WORK is to pray sincerely , opening my heart to HE who truly LOVES us all . I honour HIM and give thanks in plenitude for the bounties around me . I want to support those I love , whenever I can by JUST BEING there in the LIGHT . I may not always be able to act BUT I can BE ...as long as HE wishes it. I can love and share the good with those who reach out to me . Even when the dark shadows surround me, my inner light can still flicker within and I will be REAL . Please dear God, help me follow this intended path . AMIN SUB AMIN!!!

Muhurram 1434

As the new year starts with Muharram 1434 , how can we ever fully appreciate our daily lives ? The busy-ness has always kept us away from remembering who we really are. Now it is time to really examine our own essence... what do we stand for and who will we fight for ? The IMAN that has guided my footsteps for soo many years is ALL that I can hope for to take me into my Hereafter . Can I ever totally respect and adhere to its tenants ? My hope is that if I continue to try ..then this may be enough . It is not that I am perfect but my attempt will be known to my Creator ... may HE see what my intentions have been . My body is weak and so I am turning to my SOUL to light my way with its inner desires . Let me please listen to my SOUL as I plan my footsteps . Please forgive me and help me to act with wisdom this next year and onwards .

Al Haj 1433

To write about the HAJ will open the soul up for viewing. This is the final month of the Muslim calendar and is the culmination of all man's souls' earthly yearnings. The wish is to have enough faith in the Divine so that we could give our dearest child in the hopes of pleasing our Creator. It is the culmination of FAITH's power over FEAR. So this year I was to meet with others with the same purpose .. and it was GOOD. None of us were asked to sacrifice our children ...but when we place ourselves within this perspective, we have have a slight glimpse of what FAITH can do . FAITH IS REAL ...although not visible to most eyes, the SOUL sees what it is , appreciates what it may accomplish and spurs us on to live our lives truly managing FAITH as the navigator. The life of DEEN ( acting upon what we believe) will be different from the one done simply satisfying the EGO. May we reach that pinnacle of FAITH, thru this Al HaJ whereby all our actions will be decided with the base of pleasing the soul ...not just the mind and body .

Dhul-Quidah

As we now face the process of aligning ourselves with what we wish to be .. we see the road is filled with obstacles . My experience tells me to seek the support of those around you are too struggling with the same challenges . This will make the road a little easier to maneuver. The poem from John Donne...NO MAN IS AN ISLAND is critical . We do need one another ...simply we must choose wisely who we need. As Ramadan closed , we all strove to find HIS daily grace just to maintain the fasts ... never forget to seek HIS grace . For it is these strivings that we will find our balance , know what is wise to pursue and accept that little spark of divinity that lies within each one of us . Every daily act has the potential to seek our own divinity ... let us make our every day count !!! The HAAJ is soon coming ..let the faith that has called us here so call us back to the desert in Saudi Arabia where Hagar once stood with her son , Ishmael and had no water, food or home . She only had HIS grace ... look what happened !!!! This too can happen for you when you believe !!!!! NOW a post script is that KAI AHMED Pascoe came to join our family this day ...let his little spirit be well ..adding strength and love to his family !!!!

Shawwal ...starting again

Life has never been a promise for ease .. so too with our FAITH and submission. Let the days pass now with constant striving to improve and be better . It will be WORK ...on so many levels . THE ..How to ...with gratitude for , hope with , compassion about, seeking the good, persevering and constancy of purpose to all who are in need . When the ease appears , relish in it but never stop the effort to perfect your day . Always love to those who read this...

EID MABRUK!!!

Words can not express the joys I felt this past EID ... Ramadan visited us and enabled the resilience of spirit back into my life . Thank you MY RABB .. you are ever knowing and ready to support mankind in exactly what it needs. For me , this holy month brought severe spiritual challenges . It has been written that if the turmoil is great within , then so too will the Ramadan come to heal this turmoil. I am soo grateful that this is what occurred with me , this 1433 year . Angst , fear and anxiety prevailed in my soul ... HIS warmest hands ministered over me and provided me the love and mercy needed to understand me and leave my soul purified on EID> For anyone reading this post, please hear my voice ... HE is always there for you ...all you must do is ASK ! His answers come as HE wills .. just be patient and wait .

POWER OF PRAYER

We came to YOU broken and lost ;
We begged YOU for MERCY;
You answered in LOVE.
"BE STILL, my little child...
Let me support you!"
YOU GAVE ME STILLNESS,,,when I did not have it in me ,
YOU CONTENTED MY SOUL !
YOU  WOKE ME when I did not have the strength to move ,
You quietened my fears !!
You made me rest when I had no rest within me!
You are there whenever we ask.. You listen when we seek,
You softened my disquieted being.
THANK YOU sincerely for YOUR angels' presence
As they come to heal us .
THANK YOU for Your solace given
When we are utterly in need .
THANK YOU for taking away despair and desolation. 
We ask to stay evermore , even closer to YOU than this !

mercy turns into FORGIVENESS

Ramadan is a guest to be cherished and always honoured.

For those who have not experienced its fresh , honest approach to LIFE... let me count the ways .

When a human seeks HELP from HIS Lord in humility and honesty as one must be during a fast .. Heaven's gates open wide and down falls the GRACE . Oh , to not experience this favour is truly a LOSS .

One's thoughts change completely ..almost 180 degrees . Man's perception adjusts itself to see the positive all around him . His nature and soul find rest in such changing thoughts. Food, lustful ways and negativity do not seem significant when fasting . The prayers , done as each can manage cool the brain and settle the nervous system . Your maker knows what each one can do and will not expect more.

As the FORGIVENESS then follows MERCY , we resolve to let go of past reproaches , failures and misunderstandings. Let us offer this to others as we seek it from above for ourselves.

Please GOD, let us continue to grow and understand one another's desires and minds... so as to become one with YOU!

Shaban ends and Ramadan arrives

How to really know HIS design for you? We seek, listen , pray and persevere the best we can . Sometimes it appears that we may not know what is next . BUT even then , that is OK! Rajab, Shaban , and now Ramadan months are our guests . Did we appreciate them fully ? Please forgive us for our own priorities ... may the service we have given still please YOU! In my search for personal contentment , I find it only when I serve in HIS ways ...not in my ways . For I am nothing but a human with faults and inadequacies . As we enter Ramadan , let us purify , come closer to our Source than before and know HIS presence is still with us. We have not but HIM and are nothing without HIM. I humbly beseech YOUR guidance . AMIN!

Rajab has come and will fly by if we do not stop and think ! What are we meant to observe and clarify for our Hereafter ? Life has us spinning like a top sometimes and so RAajb asks that we STOP, REFLECT, RECALL and create a harmony of SOUL for the next life... HOW TO DO THIS? Seek forgiveness, pray extra nafl prayers, ask for patience, believe in Isra Miraj with certainty of faith,worship HIM and live the " TAKWA DEEN", serve HIM and praise HIM . Increase givings in deeds and charity . The man who gives up worldly pursuits and seeks HIS LOrd will have extravagant delights presented to him from HIS LORD!

Jumada II Day 25 1433

HOW to remain constant and loyal amidst HUGE CHANGES in one's outer life? As I review other Jumada II months in other years, I see myself having evolved as a being of unconditional infinite LOVE. This should be how I can continue to act in my next best time of this earthly journey . The surrender to huge trials has led my being .. now HE has granted me some ease ..to relieve my furrowed brow. The CHANGE is greatly appreciated MY RABB. Please help me to follow your ways even moreso now ...with this mercy You have endowed me with. Help me to support and be with those in greater need than I . Let me be touched by HIS inspiration . Please do not blindfold me ..but let my Heart remain OPEN to you. Let me remain sincere to YOU with greatest thanks for Your LOVE and support. MY RABB , is all I have . I am totally reliant on HIM . BE THANKFUL! Now we prepare for RAJAB .. soon to visit our homes . Let us prepare accordingly for the lessons we will be given. Remember the lack of control we truly have ... if Allah has a design for us . We are truly at HIS mercy . Help me to unite my inner and outer self into a harmonious balanced way of life. The growth and change is still evolving in me ... as Farooq's widow. Please help me remain HUMBLE!

Jumada 10, 1433

My post roday is filled with gratitude for CHANGE ...as it comes sudden and vibrant sometimes ...it can be shocking for us . But that is how we can really learn . Man is quite stubborn and obstinate about listening to the Superior Will over us all. Perhaps only this way is the way we will listen ! At any rate , I ask for humble daily submission and a desire to stay even closer to that Power than I am now. I ask for HIS constant guidance . Shukur for your support in my own "little" LIFE.

becoming a nana

Please let me diverge a little here... part of life is to truly appreciate whatever you have . So here I am having .. grand kids ...girls to be exact . Eden is now 19 months and dancing... and Gabriela now 14 months and singing and scampering everywhere. I want to divulge a secret to the world !!! This is the BEST GIFT ever that God bestows on anyone... being a grandma . The world connection between kindred souls is felt so deep ...that I can not explain the bond. JUST know that if it si coming to you ...do not forget to dwell within the bond OFTEN and relish in its greatness.
Let the meetings come often and as possible ... dance and sing and be merry because that is where LIFE'S pleasures LIE!

Today I am on a break between visits in which I am totally devoted to planning the next visit.

Jumada 22 1433 ..April 14 2012

How to view this day ? One year has passed since my "love" was taken back to HIS original LIGHT ! May his spirit be in a place that we can only wish to join him in, one day . Please forgive him amd give him your GRACE!
There are no words to express my path this past year ... lost, struggling yet accepting the grand will of my Creator . Our souls were united for some 43 years and now a curtain separates them . The temples embodying these souls are short lived ..yet appear to be forever while we inhabit them . My experience has taught me not to take "this body" too seriously ..care for it as we should but leave a wide berth for futility . Some results are inevitable as we age gracefully .. let these days carry us with an inner peace ..knowing the grand designer has destined them for each of us. It is important to handle each day with the inner peace ..found only within our inner heart . Whatever means , please seek out the comfort and peace for our inner soul.